Love like it's Vintage

Wave of emotion

2012-01-30T08:31:00.001+08:00

I know its wierd... I'm starting to lose my feelings for you.

I've started to distance myself away from you. I've stopped sharing my joys and sorrows with you. I no longer share your joy with you... I no longer smile/ laugh as radiantly as before. I don't have much to talk about. I'm no longer as touched by the things you've done for me.

Those words, those actions, are they really meant for me or is it just an act? I want the honest answer.

Why is it that you want to drive me to the extend that I can no longer trust you?

Do I really exist in your heart and is your love really true?

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Bad health

2012-01-11T19:24:00.002+08:00

Really dislike this semester. Both of us keep getting unwell... I'm getting insomnia, headache.

Things are good so far. Hate the busy schedule. Next week is doom week for me-

Monday: Normal timetable
Tuesday: Nursing skills & Health Assessment @0800
Wednesday: Nursing skills theory @1600
Thursday: Childbearing ICA @1010 + Ultimate detestable GSM
Friday: Human Bioscience 1B Practical test @1400

I want my beauty sleep as much as I want this week!!!!

Cold

2011-12-29T17:50:00.002+08:00

It's been 7 days since we last seen each other.
I wonder how do you do... hoping you feel better each day...

There's so many things that I've wanted to let out.

I have such a strong urge to fly over to Auburn now, if only I have the chance.
I'm praying. Praying hard that by 2013, I can go there- alone for weeks.

God bless

Ain't in celebration mood

2011-12-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

It's Christmas eve tonight. Many people out there are celebrating their hearts out I guess. Glad for them. Another festive day that I can't spend with- him.

Well, girl, be glad that he did spent the effort to celebrate in advanced with you.

Finally, I got to land my feet at Universal Studio Singapore. With him. Pretty exciting there. Went on the roller coaster 'Cyclon' & 'Human', took the 'Mummy ride', Transformers 3D, watched 'Shrek' at Far Far Away, get drenched at 'Waterworld' and sound stage by Steven Spielberg. Had wraps & crinkle cut fries for lunch, a Paris Bijoux phone charm as a part of Christmas present from him.

All in all, his Christmas gift for me was- a $70.30 Paris Bijoux phone charm, a day at Universal Studio Singapore, a Brainy smurf table deco. A day alone at USS had cost him nearly $250. Ultimately, he just want me to be happy. Sorry boy, I knew exactly what you have wished to happen but it didn't.

It's meaningless now, no matter how much efforts you've put in. I can't get rid of the images of you doing things I hate behind me back. I'm not able to trust you like I used to; not able to love you as much as I used to; not able to stay as jubilant as I am like before. That's because of too many disappointing moments that you have given me.

-My honest heartfelt

Does your 'LOVE' still exist?

2011-12-18T16:48:00.002+08:00

It pains me with those things you did behind my back. How would you feel if I did it on you?

I wouldn't want to bother so much now... counting those things you did behind my back and the times you've hurt me unconsciously. I've run out of tears for you. Trust me, I'm prepared to leave your side. These few months your actions have proved to me that you no longer worth my love, my care & concern. You trashed them away.

Keeping myself in silence doesn't mean I'm unaware of those business you did behind my back. Keeping myself in silence doesn't mean I don't feel a thing about it. You crossed the line too far. I've suffered in silence long enough.

Have you ever reflect on your own actions when you reprimanded me for my actions?

Your 'SORRY' is no longer accepted. I can't bring myself to forgive and forget what you've done to me, selfish.

When the ray of light is diminishing

2011-12-04T21:13:00.002+08:00

Can't help but I'm always getting the same picture- is he serious about me & him?

So this thought has been floating in my mind for months, causing me to suffer from insomnia. I somehow do, have my mind & decision made up. It's about time and I can sense the day coming soon... day which everything between us will end. Everything becomes history. I'm tired. Mentally tired. You left me clueless.

I no longer sense your love, care & concern, sense of security. You may be physically be by my side but I know and I can sense that you're not with me spiritually.

How long do you plan to 'live by the moment' and are you being fair to me? How long would it be? I've given up all hopes & faiths. You don't seem to understand me at all- the rationales behind those attitudes I gave you & the emotion changes I had at times.

All in all, I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. Why I dare not expect anything from you its because you drive me into further disappointment each time...so many times till I have no regrets to leave you one day.

Farewell, Yimin Teo

2011-12-04T20:55:00.002+08:00

Dear picked me up for supper before heading to the airport to send Yimin off, hang around till 5am then Dear came to pick me up.

Really tired him out. I do appreciate his every thoughts and concerns and I hope he does too.

Yimin Teo: Please take good care of yourself and I miss you badly :(

Addiction

2011-11-07T20:27:00.002+08:00

Really addicted to the amazing paper art recently. Thank you godma for sharing.

Love Amy Moss' craft web which shares a lot ideas both from her as well as her research.

Papercrafts... you are so tempting!

How I wish, how I hope, how I yearn to have those tools so I can start my crafts!

Few more years...I can start with my Vintage theme papercrafts hehehe ;)

Ciao!

Weeping tears

2011-10-27T17:58:00.002+08:00

I'm upset. Unhappy.

It's disappointing...that after 5 months, you don't see the rationales behind my actions.

A Combination, a Mix

2011-10-26T10:42:00.003+08:00

I'm glad. Glad that you opened up your problems to me. It's been months since I heard your words.

At least I know what's bothering you and what has happened.

I'm unhappy. When you told me that I have to put on a smile on occasions you have to bring her along. But I didn't want to show... what can I do? I have no say. It's your choice after all. It's your own choice to live in this way... How much longer do you want to continue in this state?

I'm just puzzled. But at least it bothers me less nowadays.

The Misunderstanding

2011-10-13T22:12:00.002+08:00

After yesterday, I realized I've misunderstood you somehow.

Thanks for understanding me, dear, I've never imagined that you actually knew what was on my mind. Thanks for being magnanimous and forgiving.

I understand better now. I wish things will remain like this.

Sorry~

Spin, spin and spin

2011-10-06T18:23:00.006+08:00

The thoughts are spinning on my mind- to end or to continue?

I haven't been smiling much lately. There's just too many changes in us, in this relationship that I can't adapt. I AM NOT A SUBSTITUTE. I AM NOT A TOY. I AM NOT MEANT FOR YOU TO VENT YOUR UNHAPPINESS. I want to be LOVED.

One part of me wanted to end this while another part of me just reject the idea. I am totally lost.

If we were to continue, can you promise me the changes I want? You are being hot & cold to me, I am losing the sense of security. I am losing the faith I had. I want a change.

You've been telling me to hang on and because it wasn't easy for us to be together, it's only precious if our relationship flourish. Will it come true or it a pack of lies?

If I am given the opportunity

2011-10-04T13:25:00.007+08:00

You asked me if I'll leave for future if I am given the opportunity and now my answer is: YES.

Yes. I've decided to leave if I am given the opportunity.

Reason 1: To secure a better future for myself and hence a better quality of life.
Reason 2: To live in a new environment where no one knows who I am and my past.
Reason 3: To start afresh with someone else without those melancholy memories.

I'll leave with no hesitation, no regrets and no burden. This is how I want a new life for my self.

I want an official relationship; a relationship that can share my joy & sorrows; a man of my life that I am proud to be with. A real boyfriend that treats me well with love & concern, a real man who meets my friends for who he is. Somebody who fits perfectly into my life and continues our life journey.

Emotional

2011-10-04T13:17:00.002+08:00

Another boring Tuesday afternoon so I decided to blog.

I wonder why and I can't figure it out, my mood swing is getting really bad these days. I get really emotional and I just have no idea on how to deal with it effectively.

Stress is something we live with everyday but any effective ways to cope with it?

God, I really hope you'll guide me through it.

Dad haven't pay my phone bill again and this is part of the reason why I chose to work- so that I can foot my own expenses and prevent such incident from happening again. And I'm hoping mad for February 2012 to come 'cox that's when I can sign for a new phone!

The Rage

2011-10-03T12:39:00.003+08:00

It's so abrupt to be sent to another venue to work last minute to cover someone Else's shift. Yes, and I seriously hate it.

Second rage, I didn't question you when you don't reply me message and so don't you dare question me. I'm getting sick. Sick of all your EXCUSES. They are not reasons, they ARE excuses. I'm losing all faith and confidence I had in you and in fact, this relationship. I'm just like a transparent glass that requires no attention.

Last Friday was slightly better than the average days we've spent together.

I am exhausted. Exhausted repeating myself over and over again yet my words still falls on deaf ears, exhausted listening to your excuses, exhausted to your misinterpreted picture. If these continues, I have totally no confidence in continuing LIKE THIS.

I really wonders who I am to you, what's your plan for this relationship and what is on your mind.

Goodbye, My Lady

2011-09-29T12:48:00.005+08:00

Shocked to hear from my lady, Yimin that she'll be leaving to the states for her studies next year...

Which means, I'll have lesser or maybe no companion...
But being her friend, I have to respect her decision & wishing her the very best for her future.

Dear Lady: I'm glad you have the mind of your own for your future. I hope our friendship will last long. Really admire your courage to make such a major decision. Good luck & all the best for you, my dear lady. You'll do great.

Returning

2011-09-29T11:44:00.003+08:00

Today is the day you return from your deployment.

I'm still waiting for your news.

For the past 7 days, I've been missing you.
Do you feel the same?

Awaiting

2011-09-28T20:34:00.006+08:00

3 days since you left for work & 7 days since I last seen you...
How have you been I wonder, how's work getting on?

I miss you greatly, the urge swim by like the breaking waves. I MISS YOU.

I really want to see you, hug you like the way you did, 'cox that's how we tell each other how deeply we miss the presence of each other.

Sorry for the times I dampened your mood, hurt your feeling & given you attitudes. I'm glad, no matter how bad I turn out you are still there for me. And I really really appreciate you.

You are right, I need to control my temper and I will.

1 more day till your return, I can't wait to see you in person.

Dear, I really cherish & appreciate the moments we spent together, especially the sweet & loving ones. Thank you for bringing love & joy to my life and cherishing me.
I am most worry that we will not get to see each other as often as before. Hope the bond between us be stronger than ever.

I Love You